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SKETCHES OF SAN DIEGO

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I didn't get a hard look at myself until I left

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But that's how it is, isn't it?

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I recognize you in your absence. I feel my place when I'm not there

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We've changed, you and I

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So much has come between us

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And that's made us closer

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Or at least, I've heard, it's supposed to

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I finally see how much you've changed me. And I can see how little I've changed you

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There were the evenings when I watched, and the sky, it was so purple and red

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I thought the world must be burning down

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And I stood and remembered this is where my father was born

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Did he stand here like me?

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Did he feel like he'd lost something he was never sure he had?  feel

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The trees here never lose their leaves

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The sun never really stops shining

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But the Torrey pines, they bend with the wind

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I wonder if they're reaching 

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If they're in a tangled chase for the ocean clouds​

We sat on a tarp and blanket, used wooden crates as desks

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The park museums, the coffee cart, everything was closed

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But the Wi-Fi still worked

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People still wandered by to admire the buildings, the lotus pond

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Those crates, my mom made them

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I ran my thumb over the rough edge where the wood chipped off

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Tapped my finger against the nail that hadn't gone down straight

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I love you, but I have to leave

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It never made sense

 

It always hurt

 

And now that I have to leave

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I think I might understand

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We couldn't help but play on that tree

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The one at Balboa Park, with the roots exposed

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We marveled at its height, how far out it grew

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You stood and pretended to surf, the roots rushing out like waves

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And I tried not to think about how quickly this would pass

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About how we'd still feel this even after we were gone

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